Do you sometimes feel that your head might burst to disperse thousands of words in the form of thoughts in the air around you? Do you come across this state when there is so much you want to write, so many things at once that you just don’t seem to be able to concentrate on other tasks at hand? Are there times when there is an eager urge to drop everything and set out to writing?
And when you finally manage to sit down with a pen and your notepad, you hardly get past a couple of lines Also, when you re-read the rough draft you realize that you not only did scrape something largely deviating from what you actually meant to write but you scripted a jumble of ideas which seems nothing but a sort of maze from the outside.
Well, I’m not certain about you but I’ve been doing this awful lot lately. I sit down with a pack of ideas to be constructed in a train of thought but I end up filling pages after pages with random thoughts pouring out my mind. Sometimes, I don’t even spare the margin areas. I keep frantically scribbling until I feel my head is light and empty to house new thoughts. And I get a feeling that even the rashly scribbled pages stare back at me as though trying to make sense of things I scribble.
So while I am already doing so much of writing, you must be wondering why the title. The problem is I’m barely being able to concentrate on what I want to write. Time is one permanent issue. Dedication another. But it is not the lack of time but the lack of dedication that’s the real issue. At least that’s what I feel.
Nowadays, I feel I do not anymore enthusiastically write the way I used to. I’ve noticed a change in the pattern I write. And it is this. I never cared much about what I am writing except that it should be grammatically correct with simple-to-understand content. Off-late, I am overly concerned about what my readers like to read or rather what my readers might like to read and that’s one of the major hurdles in my literary endeavors. Now you must be thinking why is that? It’s positively alright to be concerned about your reader’s likes and dislikes when you exact a work of literature. But I was never concerned about this side of writing earlier. I started writing because I liked to write not because I wanted what I wrote to be liked.
Now with this change in pattern, suddenly, I feel there is so much less to share and consequently so much less to write. A state of restlessness engulfed the blogger all the time.
I shared the same with Radhika, my colleague-turned-friend and a blogger herself. Radhika has been a real motivation in my literary journey so far. She’s been a never-ending flow of motivation and sound suggestions which I love her for. She said, “Maybe you are pushing yourself a lot to see perfection in what you do. Over-straining yourself to rise to best standards in writing. But perfection will come with time not with you trying to match the taste of your readers. Remember, there are a lot of able proficient writers out there. They’ve reached there with time. While you, You’ve just started.”
It did make sense. Yes, it did. It is practically impossible to suit everyone’s tastes. For the past few weeks, I have wasted nearly all my time in just pondering, re-crafting, and correcting the few lines I manage to write down. I just want everything to be so damn perfect. Not a word, not a feeling amiss. But that has only narrowed my writing bandwidth. What to write, I constantly muse about.
Well, I guess, for now, I’m just going to try to be less perfection-obsessed and write as much as I can. Just write. Hoping it helps to fade out this gloomy phase. But how about you? Do you ever go through similar writing blocks? What do you do to tackle it? Or do you also sometimes wonder – what to write?