It’s been a while I’ve wanted to write and tell you things. Tell you why I’ve not been around of late. I couldn’t gather the courage. For I know, the pain that I feel, you’d feel too. But here I am. Finally. Making a lackadaisical attempt.

Exactly, a year ago, this time, I had jotted down this post on dad’s 50th birthday and the mere act of pouring out my feelings had driven me to cloud nine. My happiness knew no bounds then as I scribbled every word with so much love in the heart of each. It was Dad’s 50th birthday. Everyone one of you who were with me in my happiness, who shared your words and wishes, I want you to know that your wishes did turn times around, for me and my family. But little did we know that the happiness was short-lived.

23rd of July this year, dad left us and crossed over to the other world. He fought a long battle with his illnesses. That and only that brings some consolation to our grieving hearts, thinking that he is freed from his sufferings. Dad was and will always be an embodiment of courage and goodness. And now that he traverses in the afterlife, I hope he is younger and much happier, liberated of mortal miseries. I hope he is flying higher, with his arms outstretched, fresh hopes filling his lungs with the gush of air that grazes his face, his hair, his hands, the angel of death by his side, smiling at him, with admiration. Yes, that’s what he was. Adoration and admiration galore.

In Hindu mythology, it is believed, that after a soul crosses over to that side, it lingers around, in the space between heaven and earth, like in vacuum, for 13 days, not knowing what waits for it. On the 13th day, when all rituals are completed, it begins its journey away from earth, all its mortal bonds severed. Thereafter, it makes a journey of 352 days and finally reaches at the doorstep of the kingdom of Lord Yam, aka, the King of Death, the Lord of Dharma, who then decides; basis its deeds, if the soul goes to heaven or hell.

So, while I write reminiscing about him, dad is on his journey. I wish I could speak to him, ask him how it feels in that other world, if there really is an afterlife. But most of all, I want him to be okay. I want him to know we miss him, and that there is not one moment that we don’t wish he was with us. Oh, how I wish there was a postal service where we could send letters to our beloved on the other side!

I wanted to take this time, to write to all you good people, who’ve been with me and my family all this time, secretly wishing for our happiness and been a humble companion in our loss. I am grateful to all of you who took the time to call and drop me your messages ascertaining I was in your thoughts. Words, as I’ve realised, are the most comforting companions, when you’re feeling the lowest in life. I know this, that all your prayers were with our beloved all this while and for that I am truly honored. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts. But more importantly, thank you for keeping our dad in your prayers.

This is why I have not been around for I have wanted to be wallowing in dad’s thoughts, his memories. More than a month now but not an ounce of pain less. Will it ever be?

I miss dad with a heart that’s never gonna be the same again. But I shall try and be around often, reading your words. Keep writing. Keep patience with me, dear friend. I shall be myself soon.

~~~~~
Asha Seth