It’s Father’s Day, and I miss papa terribly today. I am happy for those who still have their fathers around. Trust me, you’re luckier than many.
Those of you who have been following my blog probably know that I lost my father 2 years ago. There isn’t a day I don’t miss him, but days like Father’s day just scrape the bottom of my heart a bit more deep.
In all these months since he’s gone, every minute of every day, I’ve tried to live by his values, his lessons. Papa was the most courageous man I’ll ever know. And when you have a fighter to look up to, and grow up around, being strong comes naturally. I know there’s a whole lot of him in me, and yet there are times I don’t know who I am. Because with him not around anymore, everything just seems to have lost the light. Being courageous isn’t easy, I tell you. Because although, he gave the best lessons and experiences in life, there are some things he missed.
And this Father’s Day, I am going to talk about 3 things my father never taught me.
A Life without Him
“Death is just a friend who catches up with you eventually”, dad always said. But he never taught me how to live a life without him. What was I to do when I needed him to hug me to make a hard day easy or when I wanted to hear his voice to pacify me? Yes, he showed me how to be strong. Guess, he didn’t realise it was ‘he’ who made me strong.
Express your Feelings
I don’t remember a time when dad said those words kids sometimes need to hear. That they love you. Sure, there were a zillion ways in which he showed it, but when it comes to words, dad was always the shy one. Result: I grew just as shy. And life has its ways of showing you how important it is to express that you love, you care, in so many words. That people need to hear it, now and then. It makes them happy that you care.
Enjoy the Day
Father was forever a workaholic. He never had an easy day in his life. Some people are just born to be warriors till their last breath. He never stopped, never halted, and was always chasing the next best thing. Growing up, I only ever learnt – it is now or never. Inherently, that’s who I am too. And when I stop to think, I feel he really should’ve stopped to enjoy the day. I wish he had given me a chance to see him living, breathing, carefree. And I don’t care even if it was for a day.
I know what you are thinking. That he was striving for us. That he was just being a good father. That he was selfless. That he cared way too much. And you know what’s strange? I agree with all of it. Every damn word. Because don’t they just define the divine beings fathers are – Godly, in every respect, and yet human, in every aspect?
But that doesn’t make me feel differently. Because I know I’ll forever be like him, and yet I’ll strive to be different. In my heart, I’ll always ask him – Dad, why did you love me so much? Now that you’re gone, where am I to find that love again?
On Father’s Day, I cherish everything he left me with – his memories, his lessons, his virtues, and his love that grows in my heart, while I shall celebrate his spirit.
I wish you a Happy Father’s Day, dear reader. And I really hope you make the most of it!